(March 09) I suppose you can say my experience here to date has been, for lack of a better word, challenging. As a few entries have pointed out, being tossed from one screwy situation to the next is fairly tough to swallow and has done wonders for my morale. Just when I think I can’t fall any farther, I am tossed into a deeper hole. A short time later I am uprooted again and tossed into an even deeper darker hole that happens to have spikes and then - well there you go… My experience to date (And that was just the second day.) Trying to explain the details of where I work is long, drawn out, and potentially very depressing so I won’t bother. But I will let you in on a couple of observations that hit me like a rock in the head (and yes I do know what that feels like from childhood experiences)
First observation: A couple of emails from home took me by surprise - one in particular woke me up to the fact I am may not be the person here that I am at home. Start self-analysis. Can this be true? Have I changed? Post-evaluation and the Magic Eight Ball both point to yes. The constant 24x7 strain of living breathing sleeping our work makes us all a bit neurotic. We forget ourselves and our ability to practice simple acts of kindness and/or forgiveness. The facility to be empathetic and reasoning human beings is muted. We substitute rational thought and stable emotion with irrational action and unhinged anger. As a matter of fact, the two words I hear repeated most from my co-workers is rage or anger. All the same I personally believe it can all be attributed to stress and sleep deprivation. This does three things – It corrodes the soul, dulls the mind, and prematurely ages the body. Just because we are not in front line combatant roles doesn’t mean this tour is any less lethal. Arguably the mental thrashings are just as potentially damaging and long lasting as any physical wounds suffered in the field. Hmmm… Well we’re in a war zone aren’t we!?! I suppose on some level or other we oughta to feel that way right?
(Warning: Here comes my alter-ego hippy existentialist)
Regardless of any argument of how we’re “supposed” to feel in this situation, identifying my persistent rage and anger juxtaposed with constantly feeling tired and depressed is a cathartic moment and my first real step toward “defensive healing.” I have a long assignment here in theater and I need get past this to keep myself sane. Rereading that email chain is the first moment were I truly remember I am responsible for my emotions…I own it. I decided some time ago that I was determined to be happy and successful in all my endeavourers so I can and will turn this around no matter how others want me to feel or think I should feel. “There is no path to happiness – happiness is the way!”
From this point forward I make a simple resolution for the rest of my tour: I decree that I will SMILE everyday – it’s infectious and makes others wonder what I’m up to… Perhaps it will even effect the environment here… Just a small gift of happiness might make all the difference to others having their own bad day. Mr BUA I am taking on your Happy Dance!
(To be continued)
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Part 1: Corroding Soul – Corrupting Mind – Crumbling Body (A two part series)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Dude, it's not the smile that keeps 'em guessing...it's the mischievous gleam in your eyes that goes along with it. (Or maybe it's just the fact that it's a Texan smiling.) ;)
Too bad Porto's doesn't ship chocolate chip cookies...those seem to work wonders on bad days. :)
Post a Comment