The choice between personal comfort or leadership…

To say things are rough around here is an understatement. At times the atmosphere is downright mentally abusive. It takes all my energy and fortitude to not loose all morale and break down completely in my work. I’ve heard stories of shipmates coming out here strong willed and returning home broken. With that I am increasingly finding myself in the middle of a political firestorm and to top it off I appear to be assuming a new title. This new title was alluded to in conversations but I have yet to receive a formal notification. However as more people continued using the term it began to stick. Apparently I am now Deputy Chief of a branch that my Colonel and I were tasked to stand up. Moreover I am now responsible for other staff members. At any other time this would be cause for celebration. As a junior officer this is a significant opportunity but again circumstances here are not normal. For me this is just one more nail in an already full coffin. As I see it, the additional responsibility and visibility of this position only sinks me deeper into politics and controversy. I am visibly unhappy. Regardless of my comfort level something happened yesterday that really snapped me to attention. One of my team members had an emotional incident at work (I told you its rough here) that made me realize as leader I have to disregard my own emotions and fly coverage for them. It’s more than my responsibility; it’s my Navy vow of Honor Courage and Commitment. To some this may sound like horsesh*t but I take it seriously. I come into this world with nothing and will go out with nothing all I have in between is my word.

Later on in the evening a senior leader pulls me aside and asks how I’d like an opportunity to get out of this situation by taking on a temporary two to three month position at another command. On the face of it this sounds like a great opportunity complete with battle rattle and all but beneath it all I have deep concerns. 1) This person is part of the political firestorm. 2) I am not sure the person making the offer has the real power to affect this change. 3) I am old enough to know that running away from a situation doesn’t really resolve anything. 4) And most importantly what weighs on my mind is my staff. Now matter how good the opportunity I can’t leave them in this bad situation without top coverage. When I express this concern the senior leader he got visibly angry and disregarded my staff members saying I’m not looking out for myself. This takes me aback. Of all people I expected he would understand the need to be a responsible leader and yet it is thrown in my face. My orneriness kicks in immediately and I silently walk away… I know my decision. No matter how badly I want to get out and about… no matter how bad the crap here gets… I know I have to stay. Its no longer about me… it’s not about personal comfort… it’s about leadership.