Well that seems familiar…

A few of my close friends - hi Jason … hi Joe …can attest to the fact that when there is something that needs to get done - a “crisis” per say - I become very um…“focused.” Some of these friends say I change into my alter ego “Mr. CRM” in reference to an initiative I spent the better part of my time working on in my civilian career. This is my business face I suppose. The take charge, move out, make things happen and heaven help the individual or group there-of that gets in the way. Today the Al Askari mosque was attacked… again. This is the same Golden Domed Mosque of Samara that was blown up over a year ago and is attributed to initiating the wave of sectarian violence that has plagued Iraq since. While everything that happens here can be considered a “crisis” this one has the potential of really shocking the system. We had to start moving on this before we were over come by events. It is in this framework of changing our days plan that the following moment happened…

We have had a group of new folks around giving an assessment of our performance and implementing much needed organizational changes. It’s having a positive effect. Funny thing is I am the subject matter expert on some of these items and folks are asking my advice. Today one in particular told me he was having trouble getting around a rather difficult roadblock in the form of an “ego.” When I advised my shipmate on how to how to “Smartly address this ego with a couple of grenades and fifty pound sledge hammer he turned to me with great concern and said, “This guy is definitely not going to like you or me...” Without thinking I abruptly stopped, spun on heel and looked my friend directly in the eye and in a most serious and official tone channeled these words…“I didn’t come here to make friends… I came here to get it DONE!” I added a couple other choice words about 1) what I think of people who use their egos to gate-keep and block progress 2) how he might also want to spend more time getting it done less time worrying about friends and 3) if he really needed a friend which one of us he would rather have on the “friendly” side of the fence but that is of little consequence here. What is important is the familiar look I saw in this guys face as he stared back at me. Um - hi Jason… hi Joe… It was something in between “did someone get the name of that bus that just hit me?” and “Sir Yes Sir How - High Sir!”

I’m not sure he knew what hit him. For that matter I’m not sure what I threw at him. You see there is a subconscious part of me that just naturally stands up and takes charge of any given situation. I don’t know where it comes from it’s just always been there. The result… well the roadblock is gone and as for the crisis… initial feedback is that we are managing our area very well.

This incident tells me I’m coming into my own around here. As my friends Joe and Jason will say I not only know where to find the grenades, more importantly I know when and how to lob them for effect.

Finding life amongst the living…

OK… So it’s been about 3 weeks since I was last able to write and post something. I fully expect many of you have dropped off, lost patience or quite possibly just lost interest. Can’t say as I blame ya… Most of my writing is now relegated to opening remarks or responses to media or... Regardless this not so new job is now new all over again. A month ago “The Ninja cell” as we were called began a planned disintegration as one by one the members of this “elite” team began their rotations back to the states in anticipation of the boss ending his tour. With the loss of talent I went from 90mph to “ludicrous speed” – “light speed is too slow.” ;-p

My promise to the team members, who were going back to set up a support cell for the boss stateside, was that I would manage his engagements and get him out of here in his last month without any mistakes or incidents. No sooner was I in my new position of responsibility then we had a crisis that needed to be managed; Missing Soldiers. Moreover we got real pressure to ramp-up daily operations. Long story short – the past month was a real trial of patience and endurance. I suppose I passed the test because I am now let loose to do what I do best… develop strategic communications packages. I was also surprised with a CG coin for my efforts.

The boss is now home starting his 3 star job with the rest of the Ninja Team and I am still here fulfilling my second promise… transitioning the boss’s replacement - keeping the mission going without skipping a beat. So far so good…luckily for me he brought the cavalry with him. That’s right I have a replacement and it makes me very happy. Several weeks running without enough sleep have taken its toll. As things begin to shape up I am starting to feel human again. (Sleep – not milk – does a body good)

When I first arrived, people asked me how long I was scheduled to be here. After hearing the answer they continually told me that I would become the mayor of the town. As we go through this transition and pass along what I have learned I realize now what they meant. I am quickly becoming the “salty sailor” here… I am the old-timer. The number of people who arrived here before me is growing smaller by the day. Within the next month I will be one of a handful left with the corporate knowledge of last year. I know where things are and how to get things done. All this and I haven’t even hit the half-way mark yet. As far as I’m concerned I’ve been to the top of the hill – Now I’m ready to help someone else get there. I’d rather get 5 to 6 hours sleep.

No time like the present to have no time…

So I’m still here and many friends are not… I have no time on my hands and apparently my friends have a little more than they are accustomed too. I am far to tired to be bored and my friends are bored with how slow and tired things are. So I asked for a little help. I've "ordered" an entry from a stateside friend - I bring you Captain KJ:
(We pronounce that like the old CAPTAIN CAVEMAN!!!! cartoon by the way…)

Capt...
So after being teased inordinately for my previous “Sex In the City: Baghdad” style guest-blog, I’m afraid to write anything that’s typically Captain KJ… Not really, but anyway, I’ll try to stay on topic about getting back home and all that. Man, these PA types really crack the whip.

I’m back in the thriving metropolis of Montgomery, Alabama where I have been for just about a month, now. OK, I guess a month ago I was still technically in transit, living in the tents in Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar, floating around through empty days wondering what on earth I was supposed to do with myself. The funny thing is, that particular feeling has stuck with me ever since the night I left the Green Zone.

The only real goal I had, leaving, was to get OUT OF THERE. And then once I was out, what was I shooting for? Well, to get home, of course, and then to get my pets and my car from family out in Arizona. But as soon as I was back home with all my possessions and back in work for those funny short 40-hour work weeks… The boredom set in almost immediately. For all that there are joys to be had in wearing what you want when you want to, driving where you want when you want to, and being the only person in control of what you get to eat each day, those joys lose their thrill pretty quickly.

And here I am, something of an “area expert” on Iraq, a subject that no one seems to want to hear about. The typical question—often the only question—that I get from people about the deployment is “Wow, how was it being there? Weren’t you so scared?” How, exactly, do you explain in a social setting that, no, you live with the knowledge that a mortar could come in and send you to Kingdom Come just like people living in a large city know that they could very well be carjacked or mugged… or killed in a car accident by a drunk driver, for that matter, and while you’re aware of it, you don’t waste your time worrying about it.

What, too, is it that makes Iraq so uninteresting to everyone? I guess they think they’ve been there, done that, it’s all car bombs and terrorists… but it’s really not. And if the military people around me (I work on an Air Force base and most of the people I know are other Air Force officers) aren’t interested, you know that no one else is.

Well, it’s perplexing. I’ve found myself disturbed by this—and by being in a backwater setting where I’m so far out of the loop that all I can do is beg my still-deployed friends for the latest in what’s up. Which normally they can’t say much about because of security concerns. In my frustration, I found myself actually looking up deployments that I could be doing in the future. But in the future, none of this messing around with a six-month deployment! No, 365+ days is what I thought would be interesting…

Though I’m going to give myself some time on this. Maybe my Navy friends haven’t impressed on me well enough the “Never Again Volunteer Yourself” motto…

So being back home is a mixed bag. I didn’t realize, while I was there, that I was really enjoying being in the middle of everything, being in a place that has the eyes of the world fixed upon it. (It would take something really strange for that to happen to Montgomery.) Normal life, which sounded so wonderful in the extraordinary situation of Baghdad, seems flat and a little bit pointless, and I’ve had some days where it feels like all the interesting times have ended and I’m going to be stuck living a vapid, uninteresting life from now on. But I’m already working on that, putting together new goals and a new life plan—and I have Baghdad to thank for that. A lot of my priorities and values have been shifted around as a result of my time there.

When you’re standing in the middle do you know where you stand?

I was speaking with a Colonel the other night in the middle of a working haze. He stopped me and asked if I had taken a moment to consider the contribution I am making to our efforts on a larger scale. While I usually enjoy talking to this particular Colonel I was a bit pushed for time. All the same I could tell there was something on his mind. He is an analyst and one of the very few Colonels’ here in theater that actually gets me. He is also an Army “thousand pound brain” type. His point to me was meaningful. His question simple… “How do you know where you are in historical reference when you are standing the middle of historic precedence? The political pressures, security demands, economic hurdles and complexities in the Middle East put you square in the middle of chapters and pages yet to be written… and you my friend are helping to write those pages though you and I do not yet comprehend with what effect.” He then gave me several examples. In terms I could easily relate too… The great Navy battle of Midway… “Further research on the logs of the Japanese sailors showed they lost the battle before our dive bombers landed their first fatal shot. The Japanese ships were in disarray prior to bombers arriving to the scene that led to a swell of faltering effects. These building effects of confusion and misunderstanding of what they had actually gotten themselves into snowballed into a crushing, well documented defeat. At that moment in history the sailors living that engagement had no idea of the significance that battle or what it would later represent. That moment was just another hazy day of combat like the hazy day before and the hazy day after. It wasn’t until many years later the real significance came to light.” Ah Ha… cob-webs clear - light bulb brightens! He actually means I’m here making effect that may make a difference. He sees the dull glaze of my eyes brighten and focus. He was pulling me aside to try and boost my morale a bit in a way that only he knew how. “That’s right Hollywood – we may have already passed our Midway and not even know it. And you my young friend are quite possibly one of those dive bombers lying in on your target about to release your payload.” This was deep – Forced me to think… I’ve been driving in on that concept for days now. Expanding it - Compressing it - trying to determine just where I stand. Col W is heading out in a couple days after his year tour here. I’m gonna miss our profound conversations.

Staring at the Sun…

This morning my walk to work was surrounded by a beige world… not just a color but a thickness. You can tell a storm is coming. The air is full of… well dirt. It’s so substantial it actually filters the sun. I looked at the sun for minutes with no eye protection. It was this brilliant white orb just above the palm trees. I stood there and gazed in fascination for several minutes in awe that I wasn’t going blind. Sometimes the simplest things provide the most pleasure...

I’ve been in an email chain over the past couple of days with a good friend who informs me his boss (a marketing exec) wanted to do something for the troops. While the gesture seemed considerate, the offer of support was so disconnected from the reality of the needs and wants here that I was shocked and in disbelief. It was based on marketing analysis from the states that don’t work here. It was a real eye opener… It forced me to realize everything I now know and understand is completely disconnected from the world I’ve left behind. And that the reverse is true. The folks back home have little to no comprehension of the real situation here. It is jarring.
Things here are intense and we soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines are now immersed in the same anxiety and terror tactics the Iraqis have been forced to deal with for a lifetime. The folks back home are immersed in the cultural “comforts” of home and security that most here can’t even imagine.

My shocking realization more than anything tells me our time here is limited regardless of the actual gains we are seeing in Al Anbar and notwithstanding a real need to finish what we started. Despite any words to the contrary, Iraq is simply not a priority for the US public as a whole. They just do not understand the situation here or the ramifications of an early exit. Simply put, it does not directly affect their day to day lives now or in the short term foreseeable future. As a marketer I always have to ask myself if it will play in Middle America. For me I always base my assessment on my sister… She is my “US public.” A car bomb in a market is a horrible side note to her day and a group of soldiers blown up in a HUMVEE gives her a moment of grief and empathy - BUT - It does not directly affect her ability to get to her son’s soccer game. It does not directly interfere with her ability to keep up with what so-in-so is doing on her favorite Prime time TV show. It doesn’t even begin to get in the way of meeting up with her close friends to go shopping next week. Please understand this is not an indictment on her way of life… it’s just the reality.

The US is really too busy living their lives (rightfully so) and too tired of this struggle to be overly engaged in the fight. Unlike previous wars this operation is both too complex to understand and to disconnected to make any reasonable sense. (I believe less than 1% of the US public has any direct relationship to someone in uniform.) Meaning the US population as a whole is not as aware or mobilized for a real slog. For most life continues on at home as if there was peace on earth while both the people of Iraq and Coalition Forces struggle to figure out what their future really means.

DUSTWUN

The work was already intense… But I was in the center of a fire storm and didn’t even realize I was tasked to drive it forward. Saturday morning early our troopers took a hit that would eventually turn into 3 soldiers Duty Status - Whereabouts Unknown… and the boss was chosen to speak to it. Of course he would be… He is the spokesman. This is crisis management. This is what the news looks for. This is what we’re hired for. For every minute you see or hear him in the media there are hours – no days – spent getting it all ready to roll. Typically this is the environment I thrive in. Sad part is… I was exhausted long before this event. And now I have to jump into action with even less sleep, less confidence, less... Trying to muster my faculties is nearly impossible - this place has made me dumb; literally. It’s difficult to clear the cob webs. It’s tough to see beyond the fog. I know I’m not providing my best work. I realized the other day I a have acquired an interesting stutter. A very intriguing side effect of my mind searching while my mouth moves in the general direction I thought I wanted it to go before the words come out. I just give up talking.
I can write something witty… I can provide some deep observation… I can try to convey what it means to be here… But I will pass. Just know that I am still here… I’m accustomed to the thunderous incoming booms… appreciate them in a twisted way actually. I am still trying to make a difference… a little dumber at some things… perhaps a little more indifferent to others… and surely a hell of a lot more defiant to the rest.

We interrupt this programming with...

We interrupt your regular programming to bring your attention to Military Appreciation Month of May.

Did you know that Congress has designated May as National Military Appreciation Month? It recognizes those on active duty in all branches of the services, the National Guard and Reserves plus retirees, veterans, and all of their families - well over 90 million Americans and more than 230 years of our nation’s history.

Be sure to thank and appreciate your fellow military folks, their spouses and families this month! To read more, please visit: http://www.nmam.org/about2.htm

Oh how I (love) sand :-p

I woke up a couple of mornings ago and as I walked to work I realized I haven’t seen the outside in a while. More shocking was noticing the high of 106 degrees during the weather brief of our morning assessment. Its just barely May but already over 100… I then actually took notice during my walk to lunch, “Yeah – It’s getting a little warm.” The only thing that came to mind was welcome to Hell - cant wait til July!

OK to crush rumors... no we are not prohibited from blogging. Yes we have to watch OPSEC (which I regularly do anyway as a matter of, well, trying to stay alive) but otherwise it is business as usual. No the thing that keeps me from writing here is the fact that I no longer have any sort of life. I am in a constant battle rhythm. We have increased our ops tempo and I am at 100+%. Any writing I do now goes directly to our efforts to support the democratically elected Government of Iraq. A truly noble cause eh? So much has happened in the past 2 weeks but its nothing more than a blur. Old faces going – New faces coming. And me? Well I guess this is a promotion. The products I work on make international headlines and the people I work with are known far and wide. The levels of stress and urgency far greater than any Harry Potter release. But in the end I only hear two phrases constantly circling around my fatigued head…
1) No matter where you go… there you are - And
2) You can sleep when you’re dead.

I have so much more to tell but no time to do it so instead I leave you with a haiku from PGF written to me after the previous entry regarding my “fondness” of sand…

Yellow grains in sky
Mighty rocks brought to granules
Sadly, in my shorts.

For the blog...

I know I owe an entry or at least 5 but...
The one thing more constant than change around here is a lack of time to adapt to it. Today I started a new position because my boss just finished his tour and rotated out. The weirdest thing I said all day is "I am PA for..." rather than my typical "I am Deputy PA for..." I've said Farewell to a lot of friends lately - 3 in the past week alone. Some day it will be my turn to roll out and I wondered what that looks like. So since I no longer have a life outside of my work I asked a close friend for support. I asked him to write me an entry on his perspective on being home. I give you Mr. BUA...

Back to the life I once knew
When Hollywood asked me to write an entry about being back, I must admit that I was not excited to do it. This is odd since I normally enjoy a chance to let the world know that they should rebel against the corporate, soulless, marketing drivel sold to the lowest common denominator at the highest profit. But I also knew that I would have to be sincere and I am not so certain I can do that.

Seeing the family again was great. It took a week in Kuwait and a week in Norfolk, but when I finally was released back into the wild I had the pleasure of seeing my wife and kids at the airport. When you are an individual augmentee, you don't get the big welcome home celebrations that you might see units receiving, but it is probably more personal since it is just you and your loved ones. My four-year-old son ran to me immediately and tried to tell me everything that has happened to him over the last year. My two-year-old daughter was a little more shy but eventually came over to me. She has grown so much, especially her hair. Mrs. Bua wanted to be the first to greet me, but knew the kids would have knocked her over if she got in the way. While I was gone my son took over as the man of the house. While he misses me, he doesn't want to give up the job. My daughter is now twice the princess she was before - which should make all of you soulless, Hollywood, corporate-marketing types happy because she will buy many things when she grows up.

People thank me for what I did. I feel odd about this and usually just shake my head and smile. I was a PowerPoint ranger at the embassy, not a Soldier in the street. People ask me if I am having trouble adjusting. I don't think I am. Loud noises do not remind me of explosions. I don't think my life is in danger of VBIED's on the beltway - but I do fear for my life because DC people drive like lunatics. The only thing I can say is that... well, I find life dull now. Not the wife or kids - they are always lively - but overall, life just lacks the sense of importance it had over there. And that leads me to my final two thoughts. The first is that we, as Americans, waste a vast amount of our time worrying about stuff that just is not all that important.

The second is born from the second most asked question (behind 'how are you adjusting'): what do you think we (America) should do over there? I have come to the conclusion that collectively, we as Americans do not get Iraq. We are woefully uneducated about what is happening, and we are not going to get smarter any time soon (the media is a capitalistic venture and there isn't profit in educational newscasts, so the best you will get is the explosion of the day). However, Iraq is such a complex place that even I find that my own mind changes as to what should be done. People ask me the question and I see the same look that they probably would love to give to our political leaders - it is a look of desperate need for someone to provide a real answer to a problem that has no clear solution. To people who tell me that we should pull out right away, I usually explain the dire results that could happen if we do. For the people who think we should stay the course, I spend most of the time explaining the shortfalls of the situation and my concerns about this current course. To those who think we should divide the country up, I explain how that would probably lead to more bloodshed. And when I am done people are disappointed with me because I did not spoon feed them an easy solution. After a while, people stop asking me about Iraq.

I was in a horrible place with some wonderful people, and I miss those people in ways I did not realize I would. Now I am with all of you not knowing how close an attack might be to those friends because the media shouldn't report it. I am wishing them all well and hope that you readers get your Hollywood back safely. So that is the last entry of Mr Bua. Far too long and definitely not light or pithy.

Take care and keep safe
Mr. BUA

I dread these days…

Once in a while I get a bit… hmm… for lack of a better word “melancholy.” These days are becoming increasingly rare because I am at least engaged in some pretty good work but they do creep up every now and then. On these days I really miss my friends, family and my home and I wonder why I’m here. The day is long… I am disinterested from my work… I usually have a head-ache – just shy of a migraine… and the crappy sand storms make the world outside puke yellow. And despite best efforts from “Pseudo Girl Friend” I still hate sand. All in all I just don’t feel like being here anymore. I look at the countdown calendar and it only depresses me more… even though I am well on my way. Nothing seems to work. All I want is to crawl into bed and sleep for the next 200 days. Do you think maybe hearing the “war is lost” has any thing to do with this?