No time like the present to have no time…

So I’m still here and many friends are not… I have no time on my hands and apparently my friends have a little more than they are accustomed too. I am far to tired to be bored and my friends are bored with how slow and tired things are. So I asked for a little help. I've "ordered" an entry from a stateside friend - I bring you Captain KJ:
(We pronounce that like the old CAPTAIN CAVEMAN!!!! cartoon by the way…)

Capt...
So after being teased inordinately for my previous “Sex In the City: Baghdad” style guest-blog, I’m afraid to write anything that’s typically Captain KJ… Not really, but anyway, I’ll try to stay on topic about getting back home and all that. Man, these PA types really crack the whip.

I’m back in the thriving metropolis of Montgomery, Alabama where I have been for just about a month, now. OK, I guess a month ago I was still technically in transit, living in the tents in Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar, floating around through empty days wondering what on earth I was supposed to do with myself. The funny thing is, that particular feeling has stuck with me ever since the night I left the Green Zone.

The only real goal I had, leaving, was to get OUT OF THERE. And then once I was out, what was I shooting for? Well, to get home, of course, and then to get my pets and my car from family out in Arizona. But as soon as I was back home with all my possessions and back in work for those funny short 40-hour work weeks… The boredom set in almost immediately. For all that there are joys to be had in wearing what you want when you want to, driving where you want when you want to, and being the only person in control of what you get to eat each day, those joys lose their thrill pretty quickly.

And here I am, something of an “area expert” on Iraq, a subject that no one seems to want to hear about. The typical question—often the only question—that I get from people about the deployment is “Wow, how was it being there? Weren’t you so scared?” How, exactly, do you explain in a social setting that, no, you live with the knowledge that a mortar could come in and send you to Kingdom Come just like people living in a large city know that they could very well be carjacked or mugged… or killed in a car accident by a drunk driver, for that matter, and while you’re aware of it, you don’t waste your time worrying about it.

What, too, is it that makes Iraq so uninteresting to everyone? I guess they think they’ve been there, done that, it’s all car bombs and terrorists… but it’s really not. And if the military people around me (I work on an Air Force base and most of the people I know are other Air Force officers) aren’t interested, you know that no one else is.

Well, it’s perplexing. I’ve found myself disturbed by this—and by being in a backwater setting where I’m so far out of the loop that all I can do is beg my still-deployed friends for the latest in what’s up. Which normally they can’t say much about because of security concerns. In my frustration, I found myself actually looking up deployments that I could be doing in the future. But in the future, none of this messing around with a six-month deployment! No, 365+ days is what I thought would be interesting…

Though I’m going to give myself some time on this. Maybe my Navy friends haven’t impressed on me well enough the “Never Again Volunteer Yourself” motto…

So being back home is a mixed bag. I didn’t realize, while I was there, that I was really enjoying being in the middle of everything, being in a place that has the eyes of the world fixed upon it. (It would take something really strange for that to happen to Montgomery.) Normal life, which sounded so wonderful in the extraordinary situation of Baghdad, seems flat and a little bit pointless, and I’ve had some days where it feels like all the interesting times have ended and I’m going to be stuck living a vapid, uninteresting life from now on. But I’m already working on that, putting together new goals and a new life plan—and I have Baghdad to thank for that. A lot of my priorities and values have been shifted around as a result of my time there.

When you’re standing in the middle do you know where you stand?

I was speaking with a Colonel the other night in the middle of a working haze. He stopped me and asked if I had taken a moment to consider the contribution I am making to our efforts on a larger scale. While I usually enjoy talking to this particular Colonel I was a bit pushed for time. All the same I could tell there was something on his mind. He is an analyst and one of the very few Colonels’ here in theater that actually gets me. He is also an Army “thousand pound brain” type. His point to me was meaningful. His question simple… “How do you know where you are in historical reference when you are standing the middle of historic precedence? The political pressures, security demands, economic hurdles and complexities in the Middle East put you square in the middle of chapters and pages yet to be written… and you my friend are helping to write those pages though you and I do not yet comprehend with what effect.” He then gave me several examples. In terms I could easily relate too… The great Navy battle of Midway… “Further research on the logs of the Japanese sailors showed they lost the battle before our dive bombers landed their first fatal shot. The Japanese ships were in disarray prior to bombers arriving to the scene that led to a swell of faltering effects. These building effects of confusion and misunderstanding of what they had actually gotten themselves into snowballed into a crushing, well documented defeat. At that moment in history the sailors living that engagement had no idea of the significance that battle or what it would later represent. That moment was just another hazy day of combat like the hazy day before and the hazy day after. It wasn’t until many years later the real significance came to light.” Ah Ha… cob-webs clear - light bulb brightens! He actually means I’m here making effect that may make a difference. He sees the dull glaze of my eyes brighten and focus. He was pulling me aside to try and boost my morale a bit in a way that only he knew how. “That’s right Hollywood – we may have already passed our Midway and not even know it. And you my young friend are quite possibly one of those dive bombers lying in on your target about to release your payload.” This was deep – Forced me to think… I’ve been driving in on that concept for days now. Expanding it - Compressing it - trying to determine just where I stand. Col W is heading out in a couple days after his year tour here. I’m gonna miss our profound conversations.

Staring at the Sun…

This morning my walk to work was surrounded by a beige world… not just a color but a thickness. You can tell a storm is coming. The air is full of… well dirt. It’s so substantial it actually filters the sun. I looked at the sun for minutes with no eye protection. It was this brilliant white orb just above the palm trees. I stood there and gazed in fascination for several minutes in awe that I wasn’t going blind. Sometimes the simplest things provide the most pleasure...

I’ve been in an email chain over the past couple of days with a good friend who informs me his boss (a marketing exec) wanted to do something for the troops. While the gesture seemed considerate, the offer of support was so disconnected from the reality of the needs and wants here that I was shocked and in disbelief. It was based on marketing analysis from the states that don’t work here. It was a real eye opener… It forced me to realize everything I now know and understand is completely disconnected from the world I’ve left behind. And that the reverse is true. The folks back home have little to no comprehension of the real situation here. It is jarring.
Things here are intense and we soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines are now immersed in the same anxiety and terror tactics the Iraqis have been forced to deal with for a lifetime. The folks back home are immersed in the cultural “comforts” of home and security that most here can’t even imagine.

My shocking realization more than anything tells me our time here is limited regardless of the actual gains we are seeing in Al Anbar and notwithstanding a real need to finish what we started. Despite any words to the contrary, Iraq is simply not a priority for the US public as a whole. They just do not understand the situation here or the ramifications of an early exit. Simply put, it does not directly affect their day to day lives now or in the short term foreseeable future. As a marketer I always have to ask myself if it will play in Middle America. For me I always base my assessment on my sister… She is my “US public.” A car bomb in a market is a horrible side note to her day and a group of soldiers blown up in a HUMVEE gives her a moment of grief and empathy - BUT - It does not directly affect her ability to get to her son’s soccer game. It does not directly interfere with her ability to keep up with what so-in-so is doing on her favorite Prime time TV show. It doesn’t even begin to get in the way of meeting up with her close friends to go shopping next week. Please understand this is not an indictment on her way of life… it’s just the reality.

The US is really too busy living their lives (rightfully so) and too tired of this struggle to be overly engaged in the fight. Unlike previous wars this operation is both too complex to understand and to disconnected to make any reasonable sense. (I believe less than 1% of the US public has any direct relationship to someone in uniform.) Meaning the US population as a whole is not as aware or mobilized for a real slog. For most life continues on at home as if there was peace on earth while both the people of Iraq and Coalition Forces struggle to figure out what their future really means.

DUSTWUN

The work was already intense… But I was in the center of a fire storm and didn’t even realize I was tasked to drive it forward. Saturday morning early our troopers took a hit that would eventually turn into 3 soldiers Duty Status - Whereabouts Unknown… and the boss was chosen to speak to it. Of course he would be… He is the spokesman. This is crisis management. This is what the news looks for. This is what we’re hired for. For every minute you see or hear him in the media there are hours – no days – spent getting it all ready to roll. Typically this is the environment I thrive in. Sad part is… I was exhausted long before this event. And now I have to jump into action with even less sleep, less confidence, less... Trying to muster my faculties is nearly impossible - this place has made me dumb; literally. It’s difficult to clear the cob webs. It’s tough to see beyond the fog. I know I’m not providing my best work. I realized the other day I a have acquired an interesting stutter. A very intriguing side effect of my mind searching while my mouth moves in the general direction I thought I wanted it to go before the words come out. I just give up talking.
I can write something witty… I can provide some deep observation… I can try to convey what it means to be here… But I will pass. Just know that I am still here… I’m accustomed to the thunderous incoming booms… appreciate them in a twisted way actually. I am still trying to make a difference… a little dumber at some things… perhaps a little more indifferent to others… and surely a hell of a lot more defiant to the rest.

We interrupt this programming with...

We interrupt your regular programming to bring your attention to Military Appreciation Month of May.

Did you know that Congress has designated May as National Military Appreciation Month? It recognizes those on active duty in all branches of the services, the National Guard and Reserves plus retirees, veterans, and all of their families - well over 90 million Americans and more than 230 years of our nation’s history.

Be sure to thank and appreciate your fellow military folks, their spouses and families this month! To read more, please visit: http://www.nmam.org/about2.htm

Oh how I (love) sand :-p

I woke up a couple of mornings ago and as I walked to work I realized I haven’t seen the outside in a while. More shocking was noticing the high of 106 degrees during the weather brief of our morning assessment. Its just barely May but already over 100… I then actually took notice during my walk to lunch, “Yeah – It’s getting a little warm.” The only thing that came to mind was welcome to Hell - cant wait til July!

OK to crush rumors... no we are not prohibited from blogging. Yes we have to watch OPSEC (which I regularly do anyway as a matter of, well, trying to stay alive) but otherwise it is business as usual. No the thing that keeps me from writing here is the fact that I no longer have any sort of life. I am in a constant battle rhythm. We have increased our ops tempo and I am at 100+%. Any writing I do now goes directly to our efforts to support the democratically elected Government of Iraq. A truly noble cause eh? So much has happened in the past 2 weeks but its nothing more than a blur. Old faces going – New faces coming. And me? Well I guess this is a promotion. The products I work on make international headlines and the people I work with are known far and wide. The levels of stress and urgency far greater than any Harry Potter release. But in the end I only hear two phrases constantly circling around my fatigued head…
1) No matter where you go… there you are - And
2) You can sleep when you’re dead.

I have so much more to tell but no time to do it so instead I leave you with a haiku from PGF written to me after the previous entry regarding my “fondness” of sand…

Yellow grains in sky
Mighty rocks brought to granules
Sadly, in my shorts.

For the blog...

I know I owe an entry or at least 5 but...
The one thing more constant than change around here is a lack of time to adapt to it. Today I started a new position because my boss just finished his tour and rotated out. The weirdest thing I said all day is "I am PA for..." rather than my typical "I am Deputy PA for..." I've said Farewell to a lot of friends lately - 3 in the past week alone. Some day it will be my turn to roll out and I wondered what that looks like. So since I no longer have a life outside of my work I asked a close friend for support. I asked him to write me an entry on his perspective on being home. I give you Mr. BUA...

Back to the life I once knew
When Hollywood asked me to write an entry about being back, I must admit that I was not excited to do it. This is odd since I normally enjoy a chance to let the world know that they should rebel against the corporate, soulless, marketing drivel sold to the lowest common denominator at the highest profit. But I also knew that I would have to be sincere and I am not so certain I can do that.

Seeing the family again was great. It took a week in Kuwait and a week in Norfolk, but when I finally was released back into the wild I had the pleasure of seeing my wife and kids at the airport. When you are an individual augmentee, you don't get the big welcome home celebrations that you might see units receiving, but it is probably more personal since it is just you and your loved ones. My four-year-old son ran to me immediately and tried to tell me everything that has happened to him over the last year. My two-year-old daughter was a little more shy but eventually came over to me. She has grown so much, especially her hair. Mrs. Bua wanted to be the first to greet me, but knew the kids would have knocked her over if she got in the way. While I was gone my son took over as the man of the house. While he misses me, he doesn't want to give up the job. My daughter is now twice the princess she was before - which should make all of you soulless, Hollywood, corporate-marketing types happy because she will buy many things when she grows up.

People thank me for what I did. I feel odd about this and usually just shake my head and smile. I was a PowerPoint ranger at the embassy, not a Soldier in the street. People ask me if I am having trouble adjusting. I don't think I am. Loud noises do not remind me of explosions. I don't think my life is in danger of VBIED's on the beltway - but I do fear for my life because DC people drive like lunatics. The only thing I can say is that... well, I find life dull now. Not the wife or kids - they are always lively - but overall, life just lacks the sense of importance it had over there. And that leads me to my final two thoughts. The first is that we, as Americans, waste a vast amount of our time worrying about stuff that just is not all that important.

The second is born from the second most asked question (behind 'how are you adjusting'): what do you think we (America) should do over there? I have come to the conclusion that collectively, we as Americans do not get Iraq. We are woefully uneducated about what is happening, and we are not going to get smarter any time soon (the media is a capitalistic venture and there isn't profit in educational newscasts, so the best you will get is the explosion of the day). However, Iraq is such a complex place that even I find that my own mind changes as to what should be done. People ask me the question and I see the same look that they probably would love to give to our political leaders - it is a look of desperate need for someone to provide a real answer to a problem that has no clear solution. To people who tell me that we should pull out right away, I usually explain the dire results that could happen if we do. For the people who think we should stay the course, I spend most of the time explaining the shortfalls of the situation and my concerns about this current course. To those who think we should divide the country up, I explain how that would probably lead to more bloodshed. And when I am done people are disappointed with me because I did not spoon feed them an easy solution. After a while, people stop asking me about Iraq.

I was in a horrible place with some wonderful people, and I miss those people in ways I did not realize I would. Now I am with all of you not knowing how close an attack might be to those friends because the media shouldn't report it. I am wishing them all well and hope that you readers get your Hollywood back safely. So that is the last entry of Mr Bua. Far too long and definitely not light or pithy.

Take care and keep safe
Mr. BUA

I dread these days…

Once in a while I get a bit… hmm… for lack of a better word “melancholy.” These days are becoming increasingly rare because I am at least engaged in some pretty good work but they do creep up every now and then. On these days I really miss my friends, family and my home and I wonder why I’m here. The day is long… I am disinterested from my work… I usually have a head-ache – just shy of a migraine… and the crappy sand storms make the world outside puke yellow. And despite best efforts from “Pseudo Girl Friend” I still hate sand. All in all I just don’t feel like being here anymore. I look at the countdown calendar and it only depresses me more… even though I am well on my way. Nothing seems to work. All I want is to crawl into bed and sleep for the next 200 days. Do you think maybe hearing the “war is lost” has any thing to do with this?

What do you really know…

What would you say if someone was to tell you things are getting better here in Iraq? What if they told you the war is “Already Lost?” Would you inform them that there are places where kids are going to back to school and playing soccer on Saturdays? Would you remind them of over 100 victims from a recent car bombing incident? What would you say? Do you really know? If you think you know – How do you know? Where do you get your information? Who or what is your filter?

While the debates to bring troops home may be worthwhile and valid conversations, they should at least be based within the framework of our current situation. I and many of my co-workers here observe that most of the conversations both pro and con are no longer relevant to the current “boots on the situation” and are usually in a six month lag. Before the surge it could be convincingly argued that Baghdad was headed toward all out civil implosion and other parts of Iraq were in fact “lost.” But things here have changed some better some worse. There is actually a sense of reluctant optimism in the air that things can get better. Many people here are starting to feel just a little hope. I know… I met them out in the streets myself… I spoke with them… I heard it from their point of view. Unfortunately it’s because of that slight optimism that there are more contrary events. The enemy knows that any progress toward security threatens their position. High profile attacks are attempts to kill hope. Now the question is how hard is it to crush the human spirit?

Shooting your own foot…

Every now and then you run up against a wall that you just can’t climb. You have a choice go back, go around, or tear it down. Earlier this week we hit just that sort of wall – literally. I knew there was trouble ahead when I received questions from the media about a press release distributed from one of the commands about “Gated Communities.” The release told the story of a long wall being built considered the “Central to the strategy of our new security plan” and that this great idea would permanently divide the Sunni from the Shi’a. Problem? - Hell yeah… For one its not accurate… this is absolutely contrary to every message I have heard from our commanders and/or work I’ve done here at HQ. I realized very quickly this was going to create a real challenge. I started raising flags with the team and the boss. You see Temporary Security Barriers are tactical walls built to protect the people in areas with increased or constant acts of violence, such as a marketplace recently hit with a car bomb. They are definitely not a strategy, not meant to be permanent and were never intended to segregate people based on religion. Barriers are put up because they are determined by local community leaders and the commanders on the ground to be a good temporary solution. After reading into all the elements I predicted this was going be an issue.

Sure enough a couple days later and it is a big topic with the media, the local community, the Government of Iraq and even the US public. We’re trying our best to provide correction but the story is out there and building a life all its own. Because everyone has an opinion, bias, or motive, something that was intended to be an innocent “Progress in Iraq” story quickly degrades into a tug-o-war of will. The facts - well they may be another casualty in the war of controversy. Unfortunately due to some oversight or misguidance somewhere down the chain this may be one case where we have to tear down the wall regardless of the benefits. Things are tough enough around here without miss-managing our own messages.

So why do I share this with you? I am fascinated by the power and limitations of communications and its ability to effect change. I am also intrigued by my ability to game this out to its ultimate conclusion (I figured out where this was going while I was responding to the queries.) I am so convinced I even put “my money where my mouth is” and accepted a cash bet on it. Hmmm…and based on an email I just received… looks like my wallet is gonna get a little heavier.